You asked for help with one basic task: take the trash out. A little bit later you discover your partner didn’t do it. “I Didn’t hear you”, they say. Why are you not surprised that your partner didn’t hear the one thing they needed done? The popular term for this is “selective hearing,” and it’s usually a sign of poor communication.
We have the tendency to think of selective hearing as a negative, almost like it’s a character defect. Accusing somebody of selective hearing is implying they weren’t listening to you. But it’s possible that the actual culprit behind your selective hearing may not be a short attention span, it might be the early phases of hearing loss.
What is selective hearing?
You’ve probably had at least one or more situations in your life where somebody has accused you of not listening, even if no one specifically used the term “selective hearing”. When you miss all the things you don’t want to hear but hear everything else, that’s selective hearing. You hear the part about the chocolate cake, but you don’t hear the part about the calories. Things like that.
As a behavior, selective hearing is incredibly common. However, most studies point to men failing to hear their partners more frequently than women.
It may be tempting to draw some social conclusions from that (and the way that individuals are socialized certainly does play into how this behavior is contextualized). But hearing health is most likely another major component. If your “selective hearing” begins to become more common, it might be a hint that you may have undiagnosed hearing loss.
Hearing loss can produce gaps in communication
Communication will undoubtedly be more difficult with undiagnosed hearing loss. You’re likely not shocked by that.
But one notable indication of hearing loss is communication issues.
When hearing loss is in those really early stages, there aren’t going to be very many apparent symptoms. Your tv might get a little louder. You can’t quite hear what your friend is saying when you stop for a drink at your local bar. It’s most likely because the music is so loud, right? And so, other than that, you could go through most of your day-to-day life without even noticing the volume of the world around you. Your hearing can slowly decline because of this. You scarcely notice the issue until you’re at the point where you frequently have difficulty hearing conversations.
Your hearing health is concerning your partner
You will notice some of the people close to you are beginning to be concerned. Yes, selective hearing is a relatively common annoyance (even more frustrating when you already feel like nobody listens to you). But that aggravation often becomes worry when they recognize that hearing loss could be the actual culprit.
And your partner may want you to find out what’s going on by having you schedule a hearing test.
Your partner’s concern is relevant and it’s important for you to acknowledge that. Have an open conversation and consider that they are coming from a place of caring and not just annoyance.
Other early indications of hearing loss
If your selective hearing has become worse over time, it might be worth keeping an eye out for some of these other early indications of hearing loss. Some of those signs include:
- Consonants are hard to distinguish
- Hearing in crowds is difficult
- People sound distant or muffled when they talk
- Having to ask people to talk louder or slow down
- Cranking up the volume on your mobile phone, television, or radio
If you have any of these symptoms, you should call us for a hearing test.
Always protect your hearing
Safeguarding your hearing is so critical to preventing hearing loss. If you can’t stay away from overly loud noise, make sure you wear hearing protection, like muffs or plugs. Any feathers that you might have ruffled with your selective hearing can be smoothed over by using hearing aids to communicate more successfully.
A diminishing attention span will be to blame for most selective hearing incidents in your life. But you might want to take it as a signal that it’s time for a hearing test when people around you start to observe your selective hearing getting worse.